My thoughts on gift giving

As we finish up the holiday season and run smack into my birthday (which is tomorrow), I realize that I have never really explained what my thoughts on gift giving are. I hope that my family and friends read this and take it to heart for future gift-giving events.

Before I get into the meat of the issue, I would like to say that I do appreciate the gifts I have been given, and more than anything, appreciate the thought they represent. However, I firmly believe it is possible to express and receive the thought (and emotions they represent) without actually engaging in consumerism. So here goes...

Sadly, I think many of us give gifts out of obligation; because we feel (or have been taught to feel) that to be a good friend, parent, child, sibling, partner, we need to express our love by giving someone something. So every time a birthday, holiday or anniversary roles around, we agonize and debate and brainstorm to find the "perfect gift." And since most of the time there is no such thing, we end up buying something a person doesn't want or need. This leads to ridiculous levels of consumerism, accumulation of objects we never wanted in the first place, and a constant feeling that we need to make this gift better than the last one as we strive to attain "perfection."

So, I'll make this clear and simple. I don't want gifts.

There is one general exception to this. If you find, see or make (for those with artistic or crafty inclinations) something you truly think I would like, please feel free to send it to me. And you don't have to wait for a birthday or holiday to send it (I would actually prefer you not send holiday gifts, because I don't celebrate any december holidays). Regarding the various children in my life, I love anything that any of them make for me, from the simplest scribble to the most elaborate sculpture.

If you don't find anything that you really think I would like (even for years or decades), that's fine too. I won't hold it against you on any level. Send me a card or write me an email. Tell me what's going on in your life or tell me how important i am to you. Let me know why you care about me. This would mean far more to me than a tangible gift. And is a much more appropriate marking of my birthday.

However, if you absolutely insist on giving me a gift (since I know there are people who will choose to ignore what I'm saying), here is what I would like to receive (in descending order of preference).
1) Donate the money: I generally support the mission of the following non-profits and would be quite happy with you giving to them in my name for any occasion.
Sea Sheperd
Doctors for Global Health
Heifer International
Common Ground Collective
My (or your) local library
If you're not comfortable donating to any of these, give $20 to the next homeless person you see.

2) If you insist on giving me a "gift" for my actual use, my preference is a gift card. We all know how often we end up returning or re-gifting things people have given us. Let me choose and I will get something I really want. A few options for gift cards:
REI
Lowes
Costco
A local restaurant I like (call and ask me for names)
The local thrift store (that's where I do most my shopping anyway)
A local spa for a massage

Please do not give me gift cards to clothing stores or outdoor stores other than REI.

I am sure I have offended at least one person with this post. If that is the case, I apologize that this has hurt your feelings. However, I hope that you will take my views on gifts to heart and apply them to future gift-giving efforts.

As a final note, here are some of the tangible gifts I have received that have meant the most to me:
mix tapes/cds from friends sharing their music with me
a soap dish (d once spent an entire day going to five different stores to find a particular kind of travel soap dish i wanted)
a shawl knit in colors i would never have chosen for myself, but i absolutely adore it and wear it all the time
pictures (and picture collages) of family and friends
drawings and artwork done by my nieces and nephews
cds of particular musicians that people specifically thought i would like
homemade cookies
sculptures made by artist friends
a tool belt
my friend Gretchen's jean jacket
visits from out-of-town friends and family
a sincere card telling me how much i mean to someone